Joy and Sorrow: Can they co-exist?

It's like we think we can only experience one of these emotions at a time

Have you ever been through a situation or circumstance that made you grieve, depressed, or was heartbreaking? I would like to bet, if you're reading this and human, you have most definitely been through something that has been difficult in your life. When we go through these tough times, it seems alien to want to do something that you know you would enjoy right?! It's like we think we can only experience one of these emotions at a time. If we are down, we can't also be happy or enjoy certain elements of life. Or if we are celebrating and enjoying life, we don't allow ourselves to be sad or down at the same time.

I don't know where this has come from but it seems that we think one has to cancel the other one out or that they contradict each other.

Growing up I didn't have a relationship with God. I had my fair share of sadness, depression and difficult circumstances. When I didn't know God things were very different. The way I view life now is very different to the way I viewed it growing up. When life happens (and we all know there are lots of sucky situations that can happen to us and around us), it is very normal to focus on our unfortunate circumstances and feel surrounded by them sometimes. So growing up without God and dealing with life as it comes - there was no sense of purpose or hope in it. It was very easy and seemed natural for me to focus on any unfortunate circumstances.

Let's define joy...

What is joy? and what does God say about joy? Is it something that ebbs and flows with the ever changing circumstances? Or is it something that is a constant no matter what's going on around us?

I love how Compassion UK speaks about the differences between joy and happiness. They say 'joy is an underlying truth that good or bad circumstances can’t dictate, and that happiness is rooted in circumstance.' They go on to say 'Happiness doesn’t bring joy, and joy isn’t the byproduct of happiness. Joy is something grander than happiness.' Since becoming a Christian, I've found the more time I get to know who God is, His character and His faithfulness to His promises, the more hope and joy that is instilled in my soul, no matter my circumstances.

It is true that happiness can't be present in darkness and difficulty. Which is why when growing up I felt like I couldn't experience both happiness and sadness at the same time. I was seeking happiness rather than joy. But once I discovered joy, I found it brought to life peace and contentment, even in the face of unhappiness. Joy can persist in the harshest of circumstances because it depends on God and his promises. Like the scripture at the footer of my website says 'May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.' - Romans 15:13

It's as we trust in Him and His promises this joy flourishes in our hearts.

Joy and sorrow can exist together

When my closest friend moved abroad recently, it was a deep loss for me and I found myself grieving for what we had and the change happening to the dynamics of our friendship. I mentioned in a previous article a little bit about being in a church culture where there was toxic positivity. So when I was affected so much by this loss, it made me question if I truly believed God's promises and His character. The questions going through my head were - how can I still be this sad and yet believe that God's plan is best and know that it's all going to work out for good? Surely if I believed that I wouldn't be this sad right?!

One scripture that stood out for me whilst walking through that season is Psalms 143:3-8. I was reading this scripture and for the first time I saw that there were clearly two themes. David in the bible was talking to God and telling Him how he feels. And there is also a blatant theme of trust. Trust in God's character and trust in God's plan for him. Have a read for yourself and note the two different themes:

My enemy has chased me.

He has knocked me to the ground and forces me to live in darkness like those in the grave. I am losing all hope; I am paralyzed with fear. I remember the days of old.

I ponder all your great works and think about what you have done. I lift my hands to you in prayer. I thirst for you as parched land thirsts for rain.

Come quickly, Lord, and answer me, for my depression deepens. Don’t turn away from me, or I will die. Let me hear of your unfailing love each morning, for I am trusting you. Show me where to walk, for I give myself to you.

God really spoke to me through this; I can live in the tension between grief and depression, and still proclaim God's truth! This revelation was SO freeing for me!

You don't have to be done with one to hold space for the other.

I think we will agree that you can't go through this life and be unscathed from anything difficult. We know life brings the good and the bad. So I believe it's important to understand that joy and sorrow can co-exist. Feeling joy or being happy in a time where you think you shouldn't can bring about guilt and shame just for having those feelings.

I have recently been processing some trauma in my life; this was at the same time as my friend Lizee moved abroad and the grief that came with that. I had a lot of feelings and emotions to sort out and process. While this was going on my default emotion was one of deep sorrow. It felt good to feel that way. My heart ached and it was all very overwhelming. I only wanted to feel sorrow, as it was as if feeling that was validating all I was going through and it felt comfortable and soothing to my soul.

It's important to embrace both joy and sorrow. Life will have a lot of bittersweet moments and some that will make you want to laugh and cry at the same time. Accepting they both have a place in life is so freeing.

It helps you to live life accepting your emotions and not ignoring one to have the other.

Healing and processing our pain and grief happens when we are honest with our emotions. Our emotions are like our lights on the dashboard of a car; they're telling us something, but what are they actually telling us? We have to be brave and turn towards the pain, the anxiety, the depression, as they aren't just going to go away. We can definitely numb those feelings by whatever coping mechanisms you have learnt (and I've done my fair share of that!), but those emotions are still in your body somewhere. If we ignore our emotions we will miss what our body is trying to say, therefore we are bypassing the opportunity for healing.

The joy that comes only from Jesus

This joy that comes with knowing the saving grace of Jesus can only be understood through the eyes of Jesus. Some situations that I've been through, in the natural there should be no reason to have joy. For example, when I left a church I was a part of for six years, knowing full well that my friends would not speak to me again and knowing that their culture says if you leave you're backslidden and not in God's will. There's no reason for peace and joy in that circumstance right?

Or feeling like I'm losing the only person I feel truly known and heard by. I shouldn't feel joy then right?! I'm sure you can insert your own situation here. We have to remember joy, true joy, comes from knowing our creator, being in relationship with Him, knowing His words and promises to us are true! This joy that supersedes any situation we go through will carry you through the darkest of moments in your life... I know this from personal experience.

Joy comes from the hope we have because of Jesus Christ!

So let's not get confused between joy and happiness in our lives. Our emotions change on the daily... But God and His Word never changes!